Explore the best coping mechanisms recommended by a therapist. Use them for yourself or with your mental health clients!
Feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or angry? These are normal human experiences. However, when such feelings become so frequent or intense that they interfere with your overall life and happiness, it may be time to make some changes. That’s where coping mechanisms, also called coping skills, come in.
Coping mechanisms are techniques used to deal with short-term and long-term stress or problems in your life. Examples include using breathing exercises to deal with anxiety, or taking a break when you feel overwhelmed. Having multiple options to choose from makes them more effective (Heffer & Willoughby, 2017).
Traditional skills, combined with a few you may not have tried, can help you feel less stressed so you can get back to the things that matter to you most. Here are 11 helpful coping mechanisms that work for various situations. Choose one that’s right for you or try all 11 if necessary!
Contents
Slow your breathing
I know. You’ve heard this one hundreds of times. But there really can be no coping skills list without it. It's a brain hack that works. There are many fancy breathing techniques that are recommended for stress, anxiety, anger, and more. The main thing to know is that it’s the slowing down of your breathing that’s important. Try this simple technique:
Take a slow, deep breath, for as long as you comfortably can. (Shoot for around 10 seconds.)
Hold the breath in briefly, around 3 to 5 seconds.
Breathe out slowly and steadily through pursed lips, as if through a straw. This should take roughly 10 seconds or more.
Continue this two to three more times as needed.
Notice the experience. Did anything change in your body? Perhaps your shoulders lowered or your heart rate slowed down?
You can use this technique anytime! If you have a health condition that makes it difficult to breathe deeply, try breathing out your natural breath through pursed lips, or adjust to whatever is comfortable for you. The important thing is to slow down your breathing and observe it as it happens.
Notice what your toes feel like
If breathing exercises aren’t your thing, try other ways to get in touch with your physical experience, so to speak.
Grounding uses your senses to immerse you in your body – thus the term “grounding.” A simple example is to notice what your toes feel like. Wiggle them if you like. What does that feel like?
Since stress, anxiety, and anger can all be worsened by your thoughts, centering your awareness on your physical experience can help lower them. You can make up any grounding exercise that uses your senses.
Squeeze something squishy like silly putty, sniff an essential oil, hug your puppy … you get the idea. For a structured grounding activity, I recommend grounding stones. Learn more here with this grounding activity, complete with posters, worksheets, and audio!
3. Count all the green things around you
I wouldn’t have thought that something as simple as counting would work as a coping mechanism! But it turns out to be the most effective tool for many people.
I don’t mean counting in the sense of listing numbers, like counting to 10. Instead, I literally mean counting things around you.
Colors seem to work particularly well for this. Choose one color to start with, such as blue. Now count each blue thing you can find in the room around you. (It works the same if you’re outside.) Once you find all of those things, go to another color, or shape. It’s unclear why counting things works so well, but it may be due to the areas of the brain that are being activated for that task.
There’s a similar exercise you may have heard of that’s called the 5-4-3-2-1. It has you use all of your senses, counting things you can see, hear, smell, etc. That works well for a lot of people, but I find that focusing on one sense is easier to remember and often just as effective.
4. Feel your feelings
It might seem counterintuitive, but allowing yourself to have uncomfortable feelings might actually lead to their release.
Anxiety, anger, and depression often stem from pushing away thoughts you’d rather not have. But once you face what you’re going through you can start to resolve it.
For example, if a friend hurt your feelings but you’re pretending they didn’t, it may begin to fester and get worse.
You might need to let it in, have a good cry, journal it out, talk to another friend, or confront them about it. Often you’ll find that allowing yourself to think or talk about it will bring relief. Then your brain doesn’t have to spend all of that time feeling anxious or avoiding relating thoughts.
5. Distract yourself if necessary
I’m all for working through your feelings when you can. But, if you’re feeling extra overwhelmed you might not be up for it in a particular moment.
Also, sometimes our minds begin to spiral into a cycle of repetitive thoughts that won’t stop. You may need a way to snap out of it and reset.
If that’s the case, a temporary distraction could be in order. Start with the simplest ones, like a tv show or music. Then work up to more extreme ones if needed, like holding crushed ice in your hand or eating spicy food — anything that is so strong (but still safe) on your senses that you can’t think of anything else.
6. Get creative with communication
When it comes to close relationships or ones you’re stuck with (like a coworker, for example) it can help to learn some productive ways to work through issues.
It might take a little bit of tact to address things less dramatically. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. Below are possible ways to respond to a conflict at work.
Confrontational: “I’m always having to cover this paperwork for you because you don’t get it done. I’m sick of it!”
Gentler: “If I take care of the weekly report could you cover me for a longer lunch today?”
Assertive: “I understand if you can’t get this paperwork done, but I’m getting behind on my other work. Can we work out a different solution together?
I’d recommend B or C, depending on the situation. (Although in extreme circumstances A might be appropriate!) If you’re lucky, a smaller nudge could push your coworker to take care of their end, and if not you might get a longer lunch at least!
If all else fails, there’s nothing wrong with bringing your supervisor in, especially as a last resort. You can’t help anyone if you’re burned out yourself! In particularly toxic situations you may talk to your boss about changing teams or positions. Or maybe it's time to update your Linked In account.
The same goes for personal relationships. A therapist can help you work through yoru feelings and options (OASH, 2024). Changing up the status quo may bring so much relief you no longer need coping mechanisms!
7. Learn CBT techniques
CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, is a popular treatment that conveniently comes with a comprehensive set of coping mechanisms. CBT can relieve anxiety, lower stress, and increase overall happiness.
You know the negative thoughts you have about yourself, your day, or others? Common ones are, “I screwed this up again,” “I can’t believe they are so incompetent,” and, “This traffic is ridiculous.”
There’s really nothing wrong with having automatic negative thoughts. In fact, they're human nature. But if you have nothing but negative messages in your head it literally affects the chemistry in your brain. Before you know it the thoughts cascade and you feel down and frustrated almost all of the time, even when things are going well.
In CBT you work to change your everyday thoughts by challenging them. Allow yourself to have the automatic thought of, “This traffics is ridiculous.” But once you do, change the message.
“This traffic is ridiculous. But I guess there’s nothing I can do about it right now. Maybe I’ll listen to that audiobook I keep forgetting about.”
For more help with changing thoughts I recommend starting with our CBT triangle worksheet. It will walk you through the basics. If you want to dive deeper into your patterns of thinking, check out our CBT worksheets for anxiety and PTSD.
8. Learn DBT skills
Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) has some overlap with CBT. In fact, it’s partially based on it. But it goes beyond the focus on thoughts and behaviors, and provides a larger structure to work through emotional difficulties.
And the best part? DBT has a set of dozens of skills that you can use when you’re facing a difficult situation.
The ice skill I mentioned above? That’s used in DBT. So is distraction. There are also skills for communication, more on emotional regulation, and relationships.
For example, the skill of radical acceptance is one of the best coping mechanisms available. In some ways it might feel invalidating, so it’s not for every situation. But when all else fails it can bring relief. Here’s an example.
Imagine you’re planning a dinner party for tomorrow night to welcome an old friend who just moved back to town. You’ve put a lot of effort into preparing the menu and even bought some of the supplies. You’ve spoken to other friends and they changed their plans to be there. You’re so looking forward to it!
A day before the dinner your friend says they are exhausted and overwhelmed by their recent travel and won’t make it tomorrow. You initially feel hurt and annoyed, and then simply ticked off about all the work you put into it. What do you do now!? How inconsiderate can someone be!?
You have a right to all of your feelings. But you notice you're spiraling about it. What a waste of time! I couldn’t afford all of this food in the first place! You can't count on anyone!
Now, there are all kinds of coping mechanisms you could use here, including feeling your feelings, talking to a therapist or distraction. But if you’re brave, you could also try radical acceptance.
It’s a choice to simply accept the situation as it is, without any further effort to change it. Your friend canceled. There’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t control their choices and it will only stress you out to keep obsessing. You’re going to radically accept it. It is how it is.
That choice can be freeing. Now you can make a nice dinner for yourself, have your other friends over anyway, or order a pizza and watch a movie. If you want, you could try to reschedule the dinner, but if you’re not feeling it, no sweat. Your friend can reach out if and when they want to.
If the radical acceptance doesn’t bring you relief or makes you feel worse, then it might not be the right skill for the moment. But you might be surprised at how often it really works to lift the weight off your shoulders.
9. Set boundaries
Oh, boundaries. You probably know you need them. If you constantly do more than your share at work, go along with things that make you uncomfortable, or tend to find yourself solving other people’s problems when they didn't ask you to, boundaries might be in order.
If you’re not sure what your boundaries are, check in with your emotions. If someone asks you to help with something and you feel annoyed or resentful but agree anyway, there goes your boundary behind you.
Practice ways to set boundaries when you need to. I’m not advocating that you lie, exactly … but if it doesn’t go against your values, maybe a harmless fib won’t hurt?
White lies like, “Sorry, I already have plans for dinner,” “I wish I could help but I’m already behind myself,” don’t seem like they’re going to light your pants on fire.
If that doesn't feel right, there's also radical oppenness. "I am just so exhausted all I want to do is go home and sleep." "I've been out every night this week and I just need some time to myself."
And if you tend to be the one involving yourself in other people’s issues? Remember that they’re a grown adult and if they want to make a mistake then that’s their prerogative. People facing the results of bad decisions have led to many positive changes in the world.
10. Address your triggers
If you find that you’ve tried everything else and you still seem to get highly triggered anyway, there might be something underneath that's fueling your stress.
An issue like post-traumatic stress (PTSD) is actually very treatable with CBT therapies. Other triggers might relate to childhood patterns, complex trauma, or resentments that have built up over time.
Therapy might help, as can just being aware of the trigger(s). Your past wont’ go away entirely, but it could give you some relief to remind yourself why you’re reacting a certain way, and that it’s okay to not always be okay.
11. Practice when it’s easier
Does it sound like all of this is easier said than done? Just do the ten steps above and you’ll be good to go! You and I know it’s not that easy. But what is easier is practicing the skills before you get overwhelmed.
For example, if you want to start changing your thoughts, begin with the little things that don’t matter so much, during a time you’re not particularly stressed out. That can build your mental muscles for the harder times.
For example, when your dog has asked to go out for the 10th time, try to put yourself in their paws. Are they bored, anxious, or did they drink too much last night? They probably don't realize they're being annoying, after all. Get used to challenging your automatic thoughts about small annoyances and build up from there.
Tools to help
Ready to get to using these coping mechanisms? All of our coping skills tools I mentioned above, plus many more, are in the Counseling Palette’s Giant Store Bundle. Learn more DBT skills, practice with Jeopardy-style coping skills games, or relax while you listen to our meditation videos. The important thing is to find the skills that work best for you or your clients. Visit to learn more!
Sources
Heffer, & Willoughby (2017). A count of coping strategies: A longitudinal study investigating an alternative method to understanding coping and adjustment. PloS one, 12(10), e0186057. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0186057
OASH (2024). Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.